Quidnunc (kneeshooter) wrote,

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This morning I'm feeling mostly shit. This post reflects that. You have been warned.

This is a bit odd considering I've had a fun weekend (BMovie, Scary Bitches/SBA in Bradford, TTT Extended Edition) with nice people (too many to mention - but if you desire namechecking leave a comment).

However, even my own Aragorn moment (being licked awake by a cute animal while drowsy) can't cheer me up. I'm considering a nervous breakdown as the means to a couple of days off work away from responsibility.

Basically I'm tired, I'm broke (somehow) and I just don't feel in control of my life or my job right now.

I'm infected by consumerism, and its associated debt; I'm frustrated by my inability of effect change; I feel trapped and unable to fulfil myself; I'm aggravated by my temper, how easily I take offence from people I care about and my total lack of manual dexterity (Cranberry Juice + Simon + Keyboard = £40 for new keyboard please).

I'm even scared by a little blinking icon on the corner of my desktop.

I don't know what I want to be, but I think it's some of what I am, combined with a fair amount of change.

This week should be fun, except in the way of a good time I have at most 15 minutes at "home" on Thursday to pack then off again - and what's on my mind - out of the company, the gig, Return of the King, I'm worried about the cost of the train fare and the hilarious concept that the I've got a holiday to pay for in the next couple of weeks.

Would a drug habit help? Or am I going to have to resort to becoming a hermit?

On reflection I'm sure this happened about 10 months ago - last time I pretended to be the life and soul of the party. I kinda got over it. I'm sure that'll be the case with this too. Any time now.

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