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Corrosive Shame
Therapy for Life
This morning I'm feeling mostly shit. This post reflects that. You have been warned.

This is a bit odd considering I've had a fun weekend (BMovie, Scary Bitches/SBA in Bradford, TTT Extended Edition) with nice people (too many to mention - but if you desire namechecking leave a comment).

However, even my own Aragorn moment (being licked awake by a cute animal while drowsy) can't cheer me up. I'm considering a nervous breakdown as the means to a couple of days off work away from responsibility.

Basically I'm tired, I'm broke (somehow) and I just don't feel in control of my life or my job right now.

I'm infected by consumerism, and its associated debt; I'm frustrated by my inability of effect change; I feel trapped and unable to fulfil myself; I'm aggravated by my temper, how easily I take offence from people I care about and my total lack of manual dexterity (Cranberry Juice + Simon + Keyboard = £40 for new keyboard please).

I'm even scared by a little blinking icon on the corner of my desktop.

I don't know what I want to be, but I think it's some of what I am, combined with a fair amount of change.

This week should be fun, except in the way of a good time I have at most 15 minutes at "home" on Thursday to pack then off again - and what's on my mind - out of the company, the gig, Return of the King, I'm worried about the cost of the train fare and the hilarious concept that the I've got a holiday to pay for in the next couple of weeks.

Would a drug habit help? Or am I going to have to resort to becoming a hermit?

On reflection I'm sure this happened about 10 months ago - last time I pretended to be the life and soul of the party. I kinda got over it. I'm sure that'll be the case with this too. Any time now.

Current Mood: depressed depressed

9 lies or Lie to me
quondam From: quondam Date: December 15th, 2003 02:43 am (UTC) (Link)
:( All boo. Do call if you want a chat any time this week.

Don't worry about the keyboard - the old one's fine for now.
venta From: venta Date: December 15th, 2003 03:25 am (UTC) (Link)
You going to get the chance for some downtime over Christmas? Hoep it gives you the chance to do a bit of evaluative pondering and sorting stuff out.


Hang in there.
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: December 15th, 2003 05:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Hopefully :-) I'm a bit cheerier after a bar of Whole Nut...

Time management - that's the key. I need to stop being sucked in by IM and email. Damn computers ;-)
ant_girl From: ant_girl Date: December 15th, 2003 05:17 am (UTC) (Link)
I need to stop being sucked in by IM and email.

So that'll be why you never reply any more. :-p

Take care sweetie. I hope you cheer up soon. :-( Things aren't all bad.
berrega From: berrega Date: December 15th, 2003 04:53 am (UTC) (Link)
It not a nice thing to say, but I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling depressed.

You are always welcome to pop up to Nottingham if you feel like getting away from things. Perhaps it would make a change for you to talk and me to listen. Now that would be novel ;-)
(no subject) - irdm - Expand
sixtine From: sixtine Date: December 15th, 2003 08:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Perhaps you're just lacking direction. Decide what you want and then decide how you're going to get it. And don't forget that you're far too young to have a mid-life crisis (where would that put me!?). Go and spend 30 mintues in a flotation tank - and then tell me what it's like! I think you're ace. Still. :-)
From: pax_draconis Date: December 15th, 2003 09:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Christ, I blink and look what happens.


Find time to come over for an evening. I will laugh at your woes and then embiggen your ego.

Remember: "No" is always an acceptable answer to a question, even to yourself.
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: December 15th, 2003 11:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like a good idea - I've been meaning to for a while.

btw: No need to tell me not to post more "Love me!" LJ posts - this one almost got deleted at lunchtime just in case ;-)
9 lies or Lie to me