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Corrosive Shame
Therapy for Life
An evening with GothSoc
pax_draconis tells it much better so if you can read it here. However as an adjunct to that I will tell a tale of a fair maiden and her search for coffee...
EDIT: The link should now be public so be sure to enjoy it...

"Alas" said the maiden, shivering and rubbing herself (in an attempt to keep warm) "The icy chill from the black hearts of these goths doth freeze me to the bone, and the arrival of each vampyr is accompanied by blizzards from the northern wastes. How will I ever keep my bosom thawed enough so that these children will find it welcoming?".

And then she came upon an idea.

"Through the power of international corporate advertising I recall a potent elixir, normally served hot. It goes by many names depending on the genre of the work, but I know it as coffee. Perhaps through its dark, bitter brew I can once again be as a beacon in the night, calling those who are not of the undead to my table. Plus I've rubbed myself raw!"

"Noble barkeep! Canst thou vend me a steaming brew made from the beans of the coffee plant?"

"Wot?" grunts he in the manner of the unwashed.

"A coffee. For I am a maiden in distress. My bosom needs warming."

"Oh!" he perks up at the mention of the work bosom.

"... from the inside, and no, not like that you dirty peasant"

Finally he braves her beauty to raise his eyes from his feet to gaze at her perfect face "Erm, no. They only have a machine downstairs."

"Ah-ha!" the maiden is not daunted by the scale of this task, for the stairs are clear of vomit and urine at this point in the evening, and although it involves going outside for perhaps ten metres while walking around the castle, she is brave and is wearing sensible shoes.

Wrapping herself up warm within her hoodie she sets off into the night... briefly. A short while later, having bested hungry wolves and ugly, clinging shadows she finds the appropriate vendor of beverages, the operator of THE MACHINE.

"Well met young ruffian!" she exclaims at him "I have need of a cup of coffee from your machine, to take upstairs."

"Hah! You may have evaded my wolves but know that I am still you better princess. You cannot have my hot liquid as you would have to take it outside and that is against the terms of the Emperor's edict and our license."

"You must be joking Governor Tarkin. I could smell your foul stench." Erm, hang on. "You must be joking, I'm taking it from one room in this castle to another. The taking it outside bit is a technicality."

"I will not be moved on this." the gnome grunts as he draws himself to his full height in his slippers (one of you must get the reference) "It is more than my jobsworth."

"Bugger." says our heroine.

The gnome's eyes light up.

"Not that you moron. Can you perhaps take the drinks through the secret passage fashioned by the dwarves within the castle, and meet me in the upstairs room. That way your lowly position will be maintained."


"Oh go on - I'll flash you a bit of thigh."

"Ok then, but only as it's quiet."

The gnome takes her gold coins in his grubby mitts and the maiden once more braves the embrace of the night to return to her tower room. Amply protected by the garlic strung around her neck she held off the forces of evil long enough for the gnome to appear from a hidden passage.

"Gnome! You are empty handed! Where is my beverage? You promised me faithfully that you would provide me a refreshing fluid."

"My lady, I was thwarted. We have no milk."

"You have no milk? Craven fool! Can it not be served as black as the cloaks of these vampyrs? It need neither milky excretions nor sweet crystals to warm my bosom (from the inside, no, not like that, etc.)"

"Sorry" mumbled the gnome and disappeared leaving only a small pile of gold coins behind.

"Shit" said the maiden in a most unladylike manner.

15 lies or Lie to me
bacony From: bacony Date: October 10th, 2004 07:44 am (UTC) (Link)
I die laughing!

(no subject) - irdm - Expand
From: ikkleblacktruck Date: October 10th, 2004 12:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Geez, I hope whoever wrote that isn't sitting the 11+ next year, the grammar et al is appalling!
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: October 10th, 2004 12:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think you'll find it's supposed to be entertainment rather than exemplar English.
From: ikkleblacktruck Date: October 10th, 2004 12:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
And that is exactly why standards are going down the pan in this country, thank you for illustrating it perfectly.
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: October 10th, 2004 12:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
My pleasure. I think.

Personally I blame the teachers
From: ikkleblacktruck Date: October 10th, 2004 01:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
You may be right. I have noticed that even in Independent Schools there is a shocking lack of correction of poor spelling, in favour of encouraging style etc. Even the BBC website these days is littered with glaring typos. Apathy is everywhere - oh, it doesn't matter... - it always bloody matters!

kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: October 10th, 2004 01:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Seriously, for a moment, grammar and spelling are becoming much less important to society in a general sense.

Grammar and spelling are important to communication, they bring precision to support the message; and people will value it in those situations - not for the sake of it.

The whole model of education has changed away from rote learning, and there's probably not any going back tbh.
From: ikkleblacktruck Date: October 10th, 2004 02:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Cometh the handbasket, all aboard!

Perhaps when all our children, after being forced through University to attain nothing of any worth any more, fail to even get a job at Tesco because they cannot read, write or count - perhaps then rote learning will return to save their future generations.
dreamfire From: dreamfire Date: October 11th, 2004 01:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
and how does rote learning help us read write or count (and know what counting means) exactly?
From: ikkleblacktruck Date: October 11th, 2004 02:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
By embedding the knowledge, perhaps? Works wonderfully well for times tables - see how many kids don't know them now that they've dropped the parroting? It's a travesty.
dreamfire From: dreamfire Date: October 12th, 2004 02:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
I agree it works for times tables - generations of kids that can tell you what 1 to 12 times anything is - but don't understand why and so can't do 13 x 3...
and you can't learn to read by rote, and writing is only good for handwriting by rote, there is no evidence that grammar sentences learnt by rote enable you to create an understanding, and you certainly can't learn style or how to communicate meaning and as for counting - you have to understand why or its no use to you for anything

though from the discussion and emoticons on other posts I can't tell how serious you are anyway
From: ikkleblacktruck Date: October 13th, 2004 03:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Rote learning has a place in education and should not be discounted. Obviously it isn't the only method, but where it works it should stay. We learned declensions in Latin by rote as well as times tables and spellings. Not to mention the alphabet - which kind of helps with reading...

Those generations you refer to who can answer 1 to 12 times anything are doing better than today's kids - if they can't also go beyond that they must not have been listening in class. Nobody taught tables without expanding into long multiplication, tables underpin maths at almost every level.

I'm surprised modern education hasn't got to the point yet where they just hand out calculators and be done with it! Perhaps correct answers are going out of fashion along with correct spelling.
From: snow_cvrd_heart Date: October 11th, 2004 12:56 am (UTC) (Link)
- it always bloody matters!

Quite right! Comma abuse should be met with a public flogging and as for semi-colon misuse well hanging simply is not good enough!

From: ikkleblacktruck Date: October 10th, 2004 12:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
PS: :)
15 lies or Lie to me