April 3rd, 2003

tapir

Miserableness

I'm not very happy. In fact, I'm not at all happy. And I know why.

There are some mistakes I can't help making - and falling back in love, and now sitting here regretting it, are two of them. My behaviour is always the same too after something happens. I internalise, then I attempt to solve, then I sleep and everything gets put into perspective. This means my periods of feeling shit tend to me only a day long - but it's still annoying when things go wrong in the morning.

I spent some time yesterday working out my finances for the next 25 years - and within reason, and after an initially lean couple of years they should be fine, but all I had to do was keep my nose clean and have less expensive nights out in London.

That all changed this morning, when getting on the A34 my car had a close encounter with another car. Now I have an unhappy car. This is especially annoying because I care about my car. Up until yesterday, when my insurance company said there was light at the end of the tunnel that was my incident in the car last November, I had resigned to myself that I would drive my car into the ground and be happy doing it. But yesterday afternoon I let myself care again. So now it hurts.

I'm also annoyed because the accident was partly my fault - the insurance company suggested it was a 50-50 and I pretty much agree, but I'm not going to go into all the gory details. If you want them you can be my emotional crutch and call me :-)

And now, I've done what I can. I've started the process of looking for quotes, because at the moment I'm tempted to repair it at my own cost and keep the no-claims. On the other hand I can sod the no-claims and claim for both accidents. Jury is still out - but I'm not expecting a small bill. Might even make the value of the car. Plus my squeaky brakes are annoying me - mainly because I still don't feel 100% sure they're safe.

Reading back over this it seems a really stupid thing to worry about. Hopefully no-one ever judged me solely on the quality of my driving, but I feel so stupid and that is what really hurts, and that is what I hate. What is of course irritating is that I'm miles away from my friends, and I can't even get any bloody sympathy let alone probably what I really need.

Macho man? Me? Never. I'll post this now and then almost certainly change it to friends only/delete it some time soon.
  • Current Mood
    Bloody Miserable