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Corrosive Shame
Therapy for Life
Getting it
I'm not really getting it at the moment. I feel listless and disconnected. I'm sleeping too much and at the same time not at all. I'm in limbo in many ways and all around me I see and hear triggers that bring things back to me that I'd rather not remember.

I'm sure it's a passing phase - and at least it's not a dark cloud. It's just kind of grey. I want passion and enthusiasm - not a sense of overwhelming mediocrity and boredom. And the weekend? Outlook is damp and drizzly. Anyone got any smart ideas?

Last weekend I managed one night out of the two - bailing on the Cruxshadows I made it to Nottingham for Kryogenix which was fun - though I was getting a little tired. Then on Sunday I did some fiddling with photographs and developed the latest in my line of game addictions to Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds after having just finally finished The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth. Fortunately I know my addiction model very well...

The weekend was also the chance to watch the latest BSG. To start with it smacked of "cheap, mid-season filler" but as it went on I warmed to it and found it quite an interesting character driven episode. Still, not quite the pace, energy and utter bleakness I've enjoyed in the majority of the series so far.

I had a terrible day of work on Wednesday in London - despite being well up to do a talk to a reasonable sized conference I got a little flustered and was too fast. Nothing like a stick to beat yourself with (when there's the lack of anyone else to beat) but hopefully LJ-oriented catharsis will help. The day was improved by a pleasant early evening chatting about photography.

Yesterday was, as well as the last night of our first Cthulhu adventure, was the final artw*nk Photography section. Looking back over the past few weeks I get a sense I've become more confident in my work, more open minded and also more able to communicate about what I'm trying to do. As much as I'm energised about anything at the moment I'm energised about doing more, different shoots.

Which is why I am doing "yet another" gig tonight (Levellers) though on my own at present.

I did however succumb to online temptations and order some lights yesterday - "accelerating towards penury" I think is the phrase.

I suppose I'd better do some work now - though I do feel like I'm on gardening leave despite the fact a contract still hasn't turned up.

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Current Mood: blah blah

8 lies or Lie to me
jackrivet From: jackrivet Date: December 8th, 2006 01:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can relate, in a vague way, to the 'Not Quite Getting It' feeling. I've got my own reasons, as do you I'm sure, but in both cases a contributing factor may be the time of year.

On BSG: I only recently got to see the first two episodes of Season 3, and in doing so I think I've come dangerously close to maxing my download limit. Must see about getting that raised.

Enjoy the Levellers. I can't go because of tight financial situations (my download limit ain't the only things maxed at present).

ayrton_nix From: ayrton_nix Date: December 8th, 2006 02:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well I have had a terrible week and intend to go out and have as much fun as possible this weekend out of respect for a lost friend so passion and enthusiasm will be around en masse. You are, as ever, very welcome to come and join in (but aren't you venturing out to Slimes? Or was that just quondam?)
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: December 8th, 2006 03:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
I may do Slimes, or may do something closer to home. More tending to the latter at the moment I think.
barrettyman From: barrettyman Date: December 8th, 2006 04:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
sounds like your a little depressed. Could it be an side-effect of the drugs? or is it just a bit a mid-life crisis? Are you still cycling, it could be that a lack of exercise is getting to you. May be you just need a new project
purplewizard From: purplewizard Date: December 8th, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Completely agree with your BSG comments re: latest episode
From: feanelwa Date: December 8th, 2006 07:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
I felt like that for a couple of weeks after the fluclox. Your brain bacteria are dead, or something. Eat yoghurt.
From: ikkleblacktruck Date: December 9th, 2006 08:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Do they finally get back on the ship(s) and leave that dreadful dull planet scenario behind? I'm not sure I even want to watch it yet.
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: December 9th, 2006 10:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes... no need to worry about that!
8 lies or Lie to me