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Corrosive Shame
Therapy for Life
My name is Simon and I used to be a blogger.
My name is Simon and I used to be a blogger.

I’m sure everyone has half-finished projects – and the internet does a great job of reminding me of this. There are long-neglected websites, blogs and journals that come close to haunting me and reminding me of my own inadequacies.

But all is not lost. There’s so much going on to be happy, or even excited about in my life right now. I’ve a lot of other people to thank for it and I can hope that with massive change coming up that they will all be there, continuing to be wonderful.

Nothing is as liberating as quitting your job. I wasn’t unhappy in Nottingham particularly – but the promise and picture I’d created in my head wasn’t delivering. It would have been so easy to concentrate on the positives – like the colleagues and the addictive national stage. Ultimately I had a choice to accept it and play the game better, or do something rash, impulsive, expensive and arguably risky. Not like me at all – but perhaps how I want to be?

Numbers are flashing before my eyes. I blink and I’ve missed another week. Not to mention the digits inexorably decreasing in my bank account. But heh – can’t be buried with it – and it’s not worth a lot sitting in the bank.

One thing I’ve not seen a lot of this year is snow. Normally at this time I’d be full of the joys of winter. Not this year. Whilst all around me are careering down mountains I’ve been working harder than I have in years. I don’t particularly expect or deserve sympathy on this. But believe me when I say I’ve done more work in a single term than I did in the entire three years of my undergraduate. Mind you, that wouldn’t have been difficult.

Essay writing has been interesting. Last night my head was afire with ideas after working all weekend. Of course the coffee may have helped! Maybe I should join the massed ranks of underpaid academics. At least one of my lecturers agrees if an unambiguous question on my interest in a PhD is to be believed. Of course she went quiet when I mentioned funding.

The main thing I am missing at the moment is my camera. They are both hidden away in bags – for fear that the unblinking eye will stare and guilt at me. I’ve not spent the time on it. I’ve not dealt with my backlog. I’ve not updated my website. I spent my last planned weekend away taking photos wrestling with EBSCO and JSTOR. Not quite the same level of photographic indulgence. I have plans of course, though my confidence in my ability to deliver has been slightly dented.

Odyssey looks more likely. Working on it is both a joy and a pain. It is fascinating to be in the company, however virtual, with such a range of people. Sometimes I feel the majority of the weight of the project is on my shoulders. And there’s probably a reason for that. It is a wonderful opportunity though – and I think of the prize.

Change is coming. Flush from the success of the last impulsive decision I risk being in freefall. Sod moving my cheese – it seems to have dropped out of a high-flying aircraft and has reached terminal velocity. It looks like I’ll be in London over the summer. Beyond that? I don’t know. I need a job. I’m hungry for opportunity and that might mean the big smoke. There are a number of seductive elements to the place but Birmingham isn’t without its charms.

Which brings me onto Love. Not a word I know how to use particularly well. But I’m learning. To say I’ve been reminded what it’s about is an understatement – both giving and receiving.

I think that’s enough for now. See you in another year.
12 lies or Lie to me
furzepig From: furzepig Date: March 9th, 2009 03:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw! I think that has to be the most sentimental I've ever seen you be.

Fascinating reading, and it was also great chatting last night. I was reflecting afterwards that you looked the most energised I've seen you be in a long time.

More please! (Also - more photos! when it becomes less guilt/chore-laden and exams are done with)
liz_lowlife From: liz_lowlife Date: March 9th, 2009 03:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
What a stunningly beautiful piece of writing, Hun...honestly. X
lupercal From: lupercal Date: March 9th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Awwww! Glad everything's going ok!
From: pax_draconis Date: March 9th, 2009 06:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
There's a new energy about you, that's for sure. I've noticed it several times recently and it's very clear and quite compelling.

You are making working on the project fun and easy - everything that every project of this size and scope should be.

Damn good post, sah.
kissmeforlonger From: kissmeforlonger Date: March 9th, 2009 06:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
Good to hear how life is going.
nyarbaggytep From: nyarbaggytep Date: March 9th, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
We missed you, but this all sounds good.
ayrton_nix From: ayrton_nix Date: March 9th, 2009 07:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
So did you find something to do for your project type thingy?

As for the L word, we have some catching up to do I think *beam*.
quondam From: quondam Date: March 9th, 2009 10:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Cheese out of high flying aircraft... related to my stilton incident over Greenland, perhaps?

V proud of you - long may your success and happiness continue.
ed_fortune From: ed_fortune Date: March 10th, 2009 12:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Post More.

Nuff Said.
littleonionz From: littleonionz Date: March 10th, 2009 09:46 am (UTC) (Link)
Love is gud.
athena25 From: athena25 Date: March 10th, 2009 10:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Good to see you on the internets, sorry about the lack of snow, although remember that London did do its best...
mimeticgel From: mimeticgel Date: March 10th, 2009 11:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like a lull before the storm and all around are interesting options?

12 lies or Lie to me