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Corrosive Shame
Therapy for Life
I'm not very happy. In fact, I'm not at all happy. And I know why.

There are some mistakes I can't help making - and falling back in love, and now sitting here regretting it, are two of them. My behaviour is always the same too after something happens. I internalise, then I attempt to solve, then I sleep and everything gets put into perspective. This means my periods of feeling shit tend to me only a day long - but it's still annoying when things go wrong in the morning.

I spent some time yesterday working out my finances for the next 25 years - and within reason, and after an initially lean couple of years they should be fine, but all I had to do was keep my nose clean and have less expensive nights out in London.

That all changed this morning, when getting on the A34 my car had a close encounter with another car. Now I have an unhappy car. This is especially annoying because I care about my car. Up until yesterday, when my insurance company said there was light at the end of the tunnel that was my incident in the car last November, I had resigned to myself that I would drive my car into the ground and be happy doing it. But yesterday afternoon I let myself care again. So now it hurts.

I'm also annoyed because the accident was partly my fault - the insurance company suggested it was a 50-50 and I pretty much agree, but I'm not going to go into all the gory details. If you want them you can be my emotional crutch and call me :-)

And now, I've done what I can. I've started the process of looking for quotes, because at the moment I'm tempted to repair it at my own cost and keep the no-claims. On the other hand I can sod the no-claims and claim for both accidents. Jury is still out - but I'm not expecting a small bill. Might even make the value of the car. Plus my squeaky brakes are annoying me - mainly because I still don't feel 100% sure they're safe.

Reading back over this it seems a really stupid thing to worry about. Hopefully no-one ever judged me solely on the quality of my driving, but I feel so stupid and that is what really hurts, and that is what I hate. What is of course irritating is that I'm miles away from my friends, and I can't even get any bloody sympathy let alone probably what I really need.

Macho man? Me? Never. I'll post this now and then almost certainly change it to friends only/delete it some time soon.

Current Mood: Bloody Miserable

9 lies or Lie to me
cookwitch From: cookwitch Date: April 3rd, 2003 07:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Ooh sympathy sympathy sympathy!!!

I can't call you I don't have your number but I would, honest!

kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: April 3rd, 2003 08:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks - you've done the most important thing - remind me that (even in a very Californian way!) I'm not actually on my own no matter how much I might be tempted to play the martyr.

Writing the post in itself was very cathartic. I'm not normally good at admitting mistakes :-)

The other thing that helps is not being able to do anything - and appreciating that. And as of the moment there isn't.
nortysarah From: nortysarah Date: April 3rd, 2003 08:48 am (UTC) (Link)
I had a prang on friday - nothing major to me, but it looks like I'll probably require a new bonnet to remove the go faster stripes there. It really really annoyed me - there was little I could have done to prevent it, but because I was behind it's deemed to be my fault. I think I'm going to go with the keeping the no claims. In the long run it works out a lot cheaper. *big hugs*
cookwitch From: cookwitch Date: April 3rd, 2003 10:33 am (UTC) (Link)
Californian? Cor. How did I manage that? lol Probably comes from the fact that the only people I ever spoke to when I first got IM were Americans...

Seriously, I can see how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Let the guard down for even a miniscule millisecond and bam! some bastard sneaks under the wire. Hate it when that happens.

Yet more hugs for Simon. :))

Oh AND for Nortysarah (even tho I don't know you yet)too because of your prang.
lupercal From: lupercal Date: April 3rd, 2003 11:01 am (UTC) (Link)
*console* awwww darlin' I'm so sorry.. as long as you're ok, is all that really matters, poor Porridge though. Valley sends her condolences too..
sixtine From: sixtine Date: April 3rd, 2003 02:41 pm (UTC) (Link)

Cruel to be kind

Aw. Lots of sympathy. Dinking a car is a bugger and it's expensive and you feel like such a complete idiot after you've done it. BUT. It's only money and, in the cliche of things, it's not that important. It's only a car, as lovely as it might be. We can't all be fabulous drivers and to be honest, you have other skills and qualities that people respect you for (and some people even like you for them!). Why waste your talents on being able to drive (yes, apart from the obvious financial factor involved)? You'll always be a better driver than me. Let that warm the cockles of your damaged heart.

I'd call you, I do have your number but you'd only say to me what I've just said to you, tell me that you aren't really that arsed when you think about it properly and wonder why I'd rung. Tomorrow morning you'll wake up sensible, decide on the logical course of action and get on with it.
From: pax_draconis Date: April 3rd, 2003 03:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Never ever imagine that there isn't someone out here who can sympathise, oh yes, with the agonies of putting a ding in yer Treasure.

Give me a shout, and as and when I'm anywhere near you, I'll have a look at the damage and make the appropriate noises for such a catastrophe.

However, get back in the thing, and drive it, and don't let it wriggle. It hasn't got the better of you, and you *are* still in charge of it.
From: (Anonymous) Date: April 4th, 2003 12:49 am (UTC) (Link)

It's a good point

a vast amount of being able to drive safely is confidence. Too little, and you end up a hazard, too much, and you end up being a hazard. It's important after a incident (crash or near miss) to get back in and drive, just try to be aware of what went wrong, and do your best not to make the same mistake again. Don't beat yourself up about it.

As for denting a beloved motor - *sob*

nyarbaggytep From: nyarbaggytep Date: April 4th, 2003 02:48 am (UTC) (Link)
like Clive said - you go easy on yourself, everyone has days when they feel crap and need sympathy - that aint "Playing the martyr" and everyone makes mistakes on the road.
Hope to see you soon so you can have a big hug.
9 lies or Lie to me