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Corrosive Shame
Therapy for Life
Not the happiest Simon in the world. Eschewing my normal technique of avoiding the issue, I took Hannah-rat to the vet this morning - she was breathing, and took some water, but apart from that was slowly getting dirtier and less like the bitey rat which kept nibbling my toes every chance she had.

The vet agreed that there wasn't much quality of life left, so we he put her to sleep. It's not pleasant - she clearly noticed and didn't like the needle, but then it was all over. I've got this melting-pot of emotions in my head, on one hand its not something I wanted to do - to play god like that; but on the other hand would I want to live on in a mostly vegetative state? I dunno. The only plus I can think of is that it reminds me that I'm not the emotionless ice-sculpture I might sometimes think I am.

I had a quick chat with her remaining sister, who might have had a stroke or similar as she hardly uses her right front paw, and has issues with most of her right side, but at least she's up and relatively able.

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

Current Mood: sad sad

8 lies or Lie to me
uberredfraggle From: uberredfraggle Date: August 27th, 2003 04:22 am (UTC) (Link)
awww. i know how hard it mustve been. *big hugs*
mfl From: mfl Date: August 27th, 2003 04:55 am (UTC) (Link)
Feel for you... it's hard to make decisions of that scale and to believe that what you did is right for her and not just right for you. Have felt the same, but the decision to end suffering is never an easy one to take but the right one in my limited experience. *hug*
boglin From: boglin Date: August 27th, 2003 05:01 am (UTC) (Link)
I read somewhere once that's it's impossible to put animals to sleep at the *right* time - it's always too early or too late. All you can hope is that it's too early.

There'll be another star in rattie heaven tonight.
mrssshhh From: mrssshhh Date: August 27th, 2003 05:10 am (UTC) (Link)
I know how you feel. I've often thought about getting two more rats, but I think back to when Dottie died, and how soon after then Kipper just gave up, and I don't think I could go through that again.

eddie777 From: eddie777 Date: August 27th, 2003 05:37 am (UTC) (Link)
much sympathy, Simon
nyarbaggytep From: nyarbaggytep Date: August 27th, 2003 09:11 am (UTC) (Link)
I hate that feeling.
I felt dreadful for ages about Kami.
sixtine From: sixtine Date: August 27th, 2003 09:34 am (UTC) (Link)

Second plus is that little rat isn't suffering any more. When your intellectual conciousness stretches as far as 'happy', 'sleepy', 'hungry', 'chewy' and 'suffering' you don't get to ponder on the plus side. You probably just get overwhelmed with 'miserable'.

Dying in your sleep is probably the nicest option but dragging your life on through terminal misery has got to be the worst.
sexy_sophia From: sexy_sophia Date: August 27th, 2003 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
*big big big hugs*

It's not a nice thing to do, from experience working as a Vet. Nurse, I could see what all our clients went through when it came to a PTS. I had to learn to control myself physically so I wouldn't cry, sniffle, etc, mostly because I felt upset for the client.

On the flip side, I've seen people who will just not let go. Their poor pets ended up suffering more and more because they were too selfish to call it a day. You've done the right thing :)
8 lies or Lie to me