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Corrosive Shame
Therapy for Life
After Death
A couple of years ago I was at a family funeral, and I was struck not by the concept of death, but the idea of remembrance. During the service the dead man's gave a very emotional eulogy about his father, about his life, and how he was remembered and being carried on in his children and grandchildren.

Now, apart from this being a rare moment of me wanting kids, I was reminded of this in a very flippant conversation over the weekend about death and burial.

I'm not sure how I want to be "dealt with" when I die - but I'd like to think people would sit around afterwards, get drunk and bitch about me. Better than being forgotten straight away anyway!

What about you? Do you care? Do you want to be forgotten? Is there anyway I can turn this into a tickybox poll?

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative

25 lies or Lie to me
dreamfire From: dreamfire Date: November 10th, 2003 05:24 am (UTC) (Link)
oddly the answers don't change even if I'm not being flippant
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: November 10th, 2003 05:27 am (UTC) (Link)
It was my flippancy I was highlighting - not yours. I didn't take your reply as flippant at the time.
ant_girl From: ant_girl Date: November 10th, 2003 05:29 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't think I care what happens to me once I'm dead. I'll be dead, so if won't affect me!

The only thing I would want respected would be that money (if I ever have any) gets given to the people I leave it to.
taoist_goth From: taoist_goth Date: November 10th, 2003 05:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Wanting to be remembered after you die is an exercise in ego-boosting for those who want to be the topic of conversation even when they're no longer around to hear it. Living your life in such a way as to ensure you get remembered afterwards is futile beyond comprehension. Would you really have kids just so they can sing your praises over your coffin?

(Disclaimer: The above is from a Devil's Advocate point of view)
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: November 10th, 2003 05:39 am (UTC) (Link)
That's exactly what worried me about my reaction - it's a step up from the "I'm having kids so they can look after me when I'm old and ill". Yeurch!

Fortunately I think that the rest of the time I'm far more logical about the whole approach :-)

That's a worry to me about some aspects of events like Remembrance Sunday. I know at the core it's about celebrating how shit one man can be to another trying to get people to think about politics, war and death, but there is some aspect of remembering the deeds of individuals and their brave deeds in killing very efficiently.
fuzzygoth From: fuzzygoth Date: November 10th, 2003 05:35 am (UTC) (Link)
I personally think i'd like people to forget
about me when people die the loss lingers for
some time i'd rather those close to me would
just get on with their lives.

Mind you when i die i was a party to send me
off not a stuff meal, amd maybe some slamdancing
in people are still young enough :P
xullrae From: xullrae Date: November 10th, 2003 06:09 am (UTC) (Link)
I think I'd like everyone to get so drunk/high at my funeral they even forget my death :-)
taoist_goth From: taoist_goth Date: November 10th, 2003 06:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Does anyone think that the fact that funerals, which, let's face it, are for the benefit of the living, are paid for out of the estate of the deceased, is a bit crass? All that cake, beer, buffet etc. is straight out of the pocket of the person who's life you're celebrating.

It's a bit like nicking a tenner from your best mate's wallet, and then buying everyone *else* a drink and toasting your mate's health.
From: feanelwa Date: November 10th, 2003 08:14 am (UTC) (Link)
But the dead person didn't need the tenner to buy a drink for himself, really. (Although his relatives might have appreciated it, I suppose)
kathbad From: kathbad Date: November 10th, 2003 06:17 am (UTC) (Link)
I have a fundamental belief that we are best expressed as a collection of other peoples memories. So my grandmother lives on because I remember her and she has shaped how I do things and I tell other people about her.

So for me, if I have created memories for other people then I will go on, and being forgotten is the only real death.

For me, nominating a pub where everyone can get together and laugh or cry or not turn up in my memory would be fine.

I hope that this does not sound like prima-donna-from-beyond-the-grave behaviour!
From: ikkleblacktruck Date: November 10th, 2003 06:35 am (UTC) (Link)
I'd rather just not die, thanks.

(But given the inevitability - hurry up with that immortality drug already! - I see no reason to be bothered, it's not going to affect you!)
nyarbaggytep From: nyarbaggytep Date: November 10th, 2003 06:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Mydeath.net is quite entertaining for looking at such things.
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: November 10th, 2003 06:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Reminds me of the "Best name for a Funeral Directors ever" which is won by Oxford's own "Reeves and Pain".

Amuses me anyway...
berrega From: berrega Date: November 10th, 2003 07:33 am (UTC) (Link)
When I die I don't God or Jesus mentioned at my funeral.

Can you have non- religious funerals? -if so I want one...

I don't want any Bollox about what a wonderful person I was or any shite like that.

Just burn the body and let everyone go out and drink or smoke or do what ever people enjoy doing...
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: November 10th, 2003 07:51 am (UTC) (Link)
Please - change the icon from the disturbing doll!
berrega From: berrega Date: November 10th, 2003 08:03 am (UTC) (Link)
OK....thought it might bring back good memories....
(Deleted comment)
dreamfire From: dreamfire Date: November 10th, 2003 10:58 am (UTC) (Link)
i'd like someone to die and have that much of an effect on me. It won't ever happen though.
(Deleted comment)
dreamfire From: dreamfire Date: November 10th, 2003 04:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
ever - I wouldn't allow it
From: dibzva Date: November 10th, 2003 08:46 am (UTC) (Link)
I want to be cremated.

I want the service to consist of a video wall showing the last scene from bladerunner with the sound muted. A blindfolded orchestra will play Albinoni's Adagio in G minor. As the orchestra reaches the crescendo and rutger hauer loses his dove, my coffin will disappear into the furnace while the only guest, a tramp, sits in the middle of the pews, eating a minestrone cup-a-soup special.

That would be cool....
kneeshooter From: kneeshooter Date: November 10th, 2003 08:57 am (UTC) (Link)
That image deserves a round of applause.
sixtine From: sixtine Date: November 11th, 2003 04:42 am (UTC) (Link)
Hmm, my grandfather was cremated to Albinoni's Adagio in G minor. It was undoubtedly one of the bleakest moments of my life.
From: dibzva Date: November 11th, 2003 08:29 am (UTC) (Link)
The soundtrack is pretty emotive just on it's own, though it still remains one of my very favourite peices of music.
nattydreadi From: nattydreadi Date: November 10th, 2003 09:08 am (UTC) (Link)
I have only ever experienced expected death so funerals of my family were really filled with people saying 'at least it was painless' and 'she had a good run'. It wasn't really any consolation to a grieving 10 year old who's granny has just passed away to Leukemia. But the fact that she had been ill and the doctors had told us and her helped. I think that the unexpected death of a loved one is more distressing as we can't subconsciously prepare ourselves.

When I die I fully intend to put as much money as I can behind a bar (any bar) so my non christian friends can get hammered on me. I want it to be a celebration of life, not a mourning of death and I hope that people will remember me. hepstar's post touched me a bit ... as long as one person remembers me truely and has been affected by my existence I will be happy.

I will have a christian funeral and will be cremated. I want to be buried (I don't know why) but by the time I die I suspect that the ground might be full.

mimeticgel From: mimeticgel Date: November 10th, 2003 09:44 am (UTC) (Link)


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boglin From: boglin Date: November 10th, 2003 10:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Actually, surprisingly enough, my death is something that I spend a fair amount of time contemplating. If it's of old age, who knows? Hopefully I'll be so full of drugs I won't give a damn what they do with me - I certainly won't have any relative around to sort anything out. If it's something that I know about, then I plan to have a huge wake before I die, to which I shall invite everyone and tell them each exactly what I think of them. If they bother to turn up, that is.

My mother and I often have a pleasant discussion on the phone about her death, as I have to sort it out for her. The funeral, that is - not the death...
25 lies or Lie to me